its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
time to smoke my breakfast
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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