Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
