You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I smell stomach acid.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
