My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.