It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
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So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
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he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks