Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.