Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
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I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
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I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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