I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
