Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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