I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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