Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
