Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
