I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
