You smell like a Billy Joel song
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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