Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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