mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
