I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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