Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My ATM looks so different sober.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
