i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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