a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
