Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
