I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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