turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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