You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
