Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Randomize
