Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
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I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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