she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
