with your own penis?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
