she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
