hell yes lets make some ravioli
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He passed out mid-signature
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The power of my boobs compel you
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
