I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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