He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize