Do vagina's smell?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
