You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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