we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
