I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
