So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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