I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
