How'd it feel making her break her religion?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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