The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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