i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
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My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
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he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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