Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
