Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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