What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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