Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
