I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
