Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
