Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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