It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
