i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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