my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
