This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
