oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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