a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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