Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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