I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
