my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
