i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If I die, sorry about rent.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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