I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize