my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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