And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
