so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
